General 108

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Chapter 108. Someone The Major General Can Complain To

"Oh, Toshi-nii. This is rare. You picked up on the first ring."

"It just happened that I was free. What's up, Yusuke?"

On the other side of the web call, Toshi-nii is actually looking at me, not with his usual annoyed expression.

"Really, what's up, Toshi-nii? Did something good happen? Oh, did you finally get a girlfriend?"

"...I'll hang up."

"Ah, no, don't hang up, Toshi-nii! It's fine, I don't have a girlfriend either!"

As always, knowing how reserved Toshi-nii is, I knew with 1000% certainty that there was no way he'd have one.

"I just wanted to vent a little today... I can only talk about this with you, Toshi-nii. Sorry, I know you're busy."

"...You're surprisingly humble today. Well, I'm free now, so it's fine. The concert by Private First Class Kohou at the cadet school was suddenly canceled, after all."

"Oh, really? The cadets must be devastated."

"Yeah. When we announced it, 80% of the students collapsed to their knees and wept, even though it was during an assembly."

"Ehh..."

They were literally crying? How much of a shock was it for those brawny cadets to break down like that?

But still, considering a missile was fired at them—even if they defended successfully—the cancellation makes sense.

"Private Kohou's rise to fame all started with the cadet school’s beauty contest stage, after all. He’s quite attached to the place, almost like it’s his own daughter."

"I'll ask Mina to send an autograph or a message to the school."

"So, what's this venting you wanted to do?"

"Oh, right. Hey, Toshi-nii."

"Yeah?"

"Do you remember the first time you killed someone on the battlefield?"

Toshi-nii on the other side of the screen falls silent for a moment.

"Yeah. I still dream about it. The scenery, the smell of gunpowder, and the feel in my hand at that moment, all vividly recreated in my dreams."

"I see... Sorry for bringing up something unpleasant."

"It's fine. It's a common question from new soldiers, so I'm used to it. But did something happen?"

"I can't give you details... but recently, I had a chance to talk with someone I once killed on the battlefield."

"Huh? I don't quite get what you mean."

The person I killed was Misuzu, but because of military secrecy, I can't tell Toshi-nii the details.

So, I ignore his confusion and continue.

"Anyway, I asked them. What’s it like to die? Does it hurt as much as they say?"

"And?"

"They said it hurts like hell."

"Well, yeah, I guess it would. By the way, Yusuke, you’re not drinking, are you? There's been a rise in alcohol-related incidents around the cultural festival, and I hope you're not one of them..."

"I’m a general, Toshi-nii. I know better than that. And no, I haven’t been drinking. I wasn’t even drinking on the battlefield."

"Your tone's so different from usual. You know, some people get cheerful when they drink, but others get all sentimental."

Most of the adults around me are like broken toys when they drink. Anyway, I'm drifting off-topic.

"I think... I’ve been on the battlefield too long. I feel like I’ve become numb to a lot of things. I’ve started to accept that lives are lost in the flames I create."

"Anyone on the battlefield has to come to terms with that to some extent. They justify it with a 'greater cause.'"

"Yeah. But when that 'cause' no longer covers it, and people can’t keep it inside anymore, that’s when they leave the battlefield."

"......"

In the end, it's just forcing yourself to believe it.

[It's war, so it can't be helped.] [If I don't, I'll be shot, or my comrades will.]

You try to truly believe that. If not, your heart will die.

"Not that I want to quit the battlefield or that I don’t want to kill anymore. I’m fine with that. But..."

"But what?"

"Even after asking the person I killed how they felt when they died, my cup didn’t overflow. I wasn’t particularly shocked. It surprised me how unshaken I was."

When Misuzu told me she had killed hundreds on the battlefield, I was shaken a little, but it was like the surface of my emotions rippled briefly.

"I guess... I’m just..."

"Who cares about that!"

"Huh?"

Suddenly, Toshi-nii interrupts me, leaning back in his chair, arms crossed behind his head.

"Your inner thoughts are yours alone. If you’re okay with it, then that’s fine. No one can tell you how you should feel or make you think 'this is how you’re supposed to feel.'"

"...But still."

"Freedom of thought is absolute. After the Third World War, and the introduction of soul technology, this country's been messing with all sorts of laws, but that principle remains untouchable. Do you know why, Yusuke?"

"No... I don’t."

I mean, can he really say stuff like that about his own country as a high-ranking military officer?

"Absolute means at all times, no matter what. Even if the fate of the entire human race is at stake, your personal freedom of thought comes first."

"...Isn't that a bit grandiose, Toshi-nii?"

"Stop overthinking it. What is this, puberty?"

"Actually, yeah, I am going through puberty."

"Good. I’m relieved. It means you’re just like any other kid, worrying about all sorts of things."

Just like any other kid. Those words were exactly what I needed to hear.

Toshi-nii has always been like that. He gives me the words I need, one way or another.

He’s the cool big brother figure.

"Thanks, Toshi-nii. I feel better now. I'll call again soon."

Feeling much lighter, I ended the web call. Being told that I’m fine just the way I am made me happy.

I suddenly thought of Misuzu.

She, too, is someone who the nation has placed great expectations on. I understand that pressure, having been in a similar position.

Maybe she also fled, following her heart?

I wondered what was in her heart. But then I remembered Toshi-nii's words—that your thoughts are yours alone—and I didn’t think any further. Instead, I fell asleep.